So, the other day I went to the mall to do some shopping cause my Visa did not get enough use in Italy. In the parkade I noticed a fellow who was by chance also going into the mall. I noticed him because he was wearing a matching track suit. From afar I gave him my, I do not approve look, and proceed into Aritzia while he went into Gold`s Gym. I must admit I spent quite some time in the mall that day and as I was leaving, feeling like I had made some quite successful purchases might I add, who should I see but matching track suit boy. He had finished his workout and was standing by the doors enjoying a pre-packaged protein drink. How unfortunate. However I guess he took seeing me again as a sign of something and as we both walked back to our cars, he decided to talk to me.
Him to my back: Uummm … so, excuse me. Did you go to Jasper Place High School?
Ok, props to the guy for cold opening a complete stranger in a mall parkade but you gotta have better game than that to get me to stop buddy. I kinda laughed, replied that I sure did not, and kept on walking. While maybe not blessed with great style or culinary tastes, the guy was persistent. He came back with another stellar question.
Him: Can I ask you a question?
I had to bite on that. My reply? Well, you just did, didn’t you? Poor, poor boy. He looked at me all stunned and did not really know how to respond so I took pity on him and told him to go ahead. If he was willing to continue after I had blown him off AND insulted him I had to reward him by giving him a chance to prove himself. He came back with another winner of a question which completely justified the time I was taking talking to him.
Him: So, is that your natural hair color?
I actually laughed in his face. Or the vicinity of his face cause I was still a few feet in front of him. Could he not see the massive roots that must have been 2 inches long? Ok maybe only one inch and it was dark and he is a boy so maybe he doesn’t know about roots???? I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and kept talking to him. Eventually, after skirting the subject with such gems as do you live around here, do you come to the mall often, he asks for my number. I decide to give it to him. I will explain why later. He must be surprised that I said yes, or didn’t hear me cause he gets super awkward, yes more awkward than he already is and comes back with this.
Him: Uumm yeah I don’t really know how to do this.
I’m like what ask for a number? Cause you just did. Again I get the ??? face. Still not really realizing he should quite while he’s ahead he continues talking.
Him: So, I saw you on the way in and really wanted to talk to you then but didn’t. While I was working out I kept on thinking about that and totally regretted it. So, (and yes he does say so this much) when I saw you again on the way out I knew I had to talk to you.
Me: Well, if you were thinking about talking to me while you were working out, then you were clearly not working hard enough.
Me: It’s ok. I was just kidding but listen, I have to go.
Him: Ok, yeah. I’ll text you in a week or so and we can go out for coffee or dinner or lunch or… after that.
So this is what a three week plan??? Ok, sure. Whatever.
So after all of this why give him my number? I look at it as a public service. It took courage to talk to a random stranger, especially to keep me talking when I didn’t seem that interested. Now while I may not be matching track suit’s soul mate, maybe he has one out there somewhere. I’m sure she would be in a valour juicy couture suit. I don’t want to be the reason he never meets her. How can that be on me? Well, what if my uber bitchy rejection weakens his confidence so much that next time he sees a girl, possibly his Juicy couture soul mate, he doesn’t talk to her for fear she will reject him in a harsh way like I did. I cannot live with that. I do not want to be responsible for him not meeting his soul mate. Thus I am doing a public service- padding his ego. Girls everywhere should tank me. Haha. I sound vain but it’s not about me being so hot that it’s amazing he succeeded with me. That is in no way what I am trying to imply. Instead, it’s about him thinking he succeeded. I am so altruistic.
Why am I ok with this? I mean now the awkward random has my number how can that be good? The way I look at is, just cause I give him my number does not mean he will text. If he texts it does not mean we have to go out. Just cause we go out once does not mean we will have to go out again. So, I ask why not pad his ego? Why not let him think he is the man and was awesome enough to pick up a random girl in the mall parkade (I sound so classy)? What is the harm? Oh man famous last words, I’m sure I will live to regret uttering them. Mark this moment, this may be the last time I ever do anything nice for a stranger cause if this comes back to bite me I am done. I will go back to being an uber bitch who lets randoms know how insignificant they are. Woe to all potential nerdy suitors. If this somehow turns bad and knowing me, it will, I will belittle all men without game who have the audacity to try to subject me to their awkward fumbling conversation. Oh well at least I’m sure I will get a good story out of whatever ends up happening.